When You Hear Something Think

When you hear something, and think, oh god, my life as I know it is over, in reality, it’s just an indication, that the life you’re suppose to have, is just beginning. Unfortunately, at the time this drama is unfolding, you are unaware of the shift that is taking place and you can only think of getting into bed and pulling the blankets over your head. Actually my mother perfected this technique and my father dubbed her an undercover agent.. That was always our way of knowing that things were not good and don’t wake her up!

My son Max is 32 and came out to me seven years ago. Of course he thought the perfect time to tell me was 15 minutes before having guests in for cocktails, but that’s just Max. Once I caught my breath, I gave him a hug, told him that I loved him, but we needed to put this on the back burner since our guests would be arriving soon and I didn’t want to ruin my make-up. As you can well imagine, the rest of the night was an out of body experience. It was then, at the end of the evening, when I thought, my life as I had envisioned it was over and all I wanted was my bed.

The next morning again I told Max how much I loved him, but I just needed some time to digest this information. It was then he gave me the gift of time. He said he had known he was gay for sometime and he understood that it would take me some time to get comfortable with it.

Luckily I found my first PFLAG meeting 3months after Max came out, and it was then that the shift in my life began. It was slow at first, but with the support of PFLAG I was able to become closer to Max than ever before. Our relationship was now based on honesty and Max was able to be his real self, which was not that different than his old self, he still is the charming, funny, clever Max, he just happens to be gay.

What I found during those early years is that the more involved I was with PFLAG, it was my way of giving him validation and approval to who he is. And as we all know, approval is the nourishment to the soul for any child, no matter the age.

Max now has a wonderful partner named Robert, who I simply adore. Last week they celebrated a two year anniversary and I hope and pray for many more to come. When your child is happy, there is no better feeling in the world! I have even thanked Max for being gay and changing my life in such a profound way. He just looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, OK Mom and walked away.

In my job I work with many gay men. Tuesday of this week, working back from London with our crew of nine, four of the flight attendants were gay. I spoke to them about the upcoming Pride Parade and how excited I was, once again, to march with other PFLAG parents. I told them stories of past parades and how important it is to attend the parade and be present.

About an hour later, I then ended up sharing crew rest space with Marshall, one of the gay men on the crew. I had never flown with him before and I wondered if he minded sharing this small space with me. That all evaporated when he needed help with the word puzzle he was working on, and when he completed the puzzle, with a little help from me, he spontaneously said,” I just love you”, to which I responded, “I love you as well.” I went back to my reading and he started another puzzle. When I again helped with the new puzzle I said, “Marshall, you must love me even more than before”’, to which he replied, yes he did love me more than before. I then responded, I loved him even more as well. That was the end of the conversation and at the completion of our rest period, we went back to work. After we landed, Marshall thanked me for sharing my stories and said how much he enjoyed flying with me. I was so touched by our little moment.

Driving home from the airport I tried to make sense of what happened during that crew rest. I then realized that I put gay and lesbian men and women in the same category with babies, kittens and puppies. I have unconditional love for all them. I understand how important it is to them, humans and animals a like, to receive a loving glance, a hug, a kiss and a sense of knowing they are loved. Thank you.