Good morning. As Nicole mentioned in her introduction, I am a flight attendant for American Airlines. I would prefer to be offering you a snack and a beverage than be up hear speaking to you, because this is the very first speaking engagement I have ever done representing PFLAG.
My son Max is 29 years old, and came out to me 4 years ago. He attended St. Johns Prep, Syracuse University and is now in a Masters program at CCNY.
Max being Max, chose to come out at an interesting time. It was 20 minutes before I was having guests arrive for a cocktail party! After he told me, I told him that I loved him and I embraced him with a loving hug. Now I’m thinking, Max is gay - I’m having guests in 15mins! I then said to Max that we were going to have to put this on the back burner until tomorrow, because our guests will be arriving shortly, and I do not want to ruin my make-up! Needless to say, that evening was an out of body experience!
The next day Max and I talked more, and then he gave me a gift. He said that he has known he was Gay for sometime and he is comfortable with it. Since I had just found out, he said he realized that I will need some time to digest it and get comfortable with it.
After tears with friends and family, I went to Barnes and Noble to find a book to help me better understand where I was headed. I sat in the parking lot of the bookstore for about 45 min. before I got the courage to go in and ask at the information desk where I would find a book on being Gay. I was then directed to an area of only two small bookshelves, and immediately thought, something is very wrong here. It was there I found, “Something to tell you “ by Gilbert Herdt and Bruce Koff It was excellent and from that book, I learned about PFLAG.
At about two months after Max came out, I attended my first PFLAG meeting. There were many tears and many tissues. As the months went by, there were less and less tissues and at about the 6th or 7th month, someone said,”Hey Barb, you didn’t use one tissue!” I then knew I was on my way!
My true defining moment was when I marched in my first Pride Parade two years ago. As I drove into Boston I was scared to death, much like my ride to Arlington today. As we began to march with the parade, I became overwhelmed by the warm and loving response we received from the crowds along the parade route. All of a sudden it came to me. There had to be a least 20,000 people at the parade, and only 20 or 25 PFLAG parents marching in the parade. I thought to myself, WHERE ARE THE PARENTS! At that moment, I took off my sunglasses so I could make eye contact with as many people as I could. I wanted them to know that on this day, at that moment, I was marching for them as well. It will be a day I will never forget.
That night Max called. He of course was at the beach that day, but he called to tell me how proud he was of me for marching in the parade. I told him I was there to honor who he is and that I loved him very much. You see, Max is still Max, he is a strong, confident, successful young man, who happens to be gay.
Lastly, to me, fear is a four letter word. I believe all prejudices are fear based. What I would like to ask is if you happen to have a fellow student in your class who is gay or lesbian, and you are uncomfortable with it, please ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” “Why can’t I have a friend who is gay or lesbian?” I will tell you a secret, the answer lies within your heart. Thank you.
To my surprise, I received a standing ovation!! I had people coming up to me and hugging me with words of thanks. I had one young student come up to me and say,”If my Mom had an opportunity to do this, she would have sounded just like you! It just took my breath away! I gave that young boy a hug and I thanked him for such a beautiful compliment. Needless to say, I was on a natural high for the next few days. My family was so proud, but most of all, Max thought his Mom rocked!
Those 10 minutes at the podium changed me forever. I now know that all one needs to do is find the courage to face ones fears, and the rewards are ten-fold. What I know for sure is that if it were not for the many monthly PFLAG meetings I attended, and still do, I would never be where I am today - A PROUD PFLAG MOM.
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