Ten Reasons Why I Feel Blessed to Have A Gay Son

For this blog post I thought it would be fun to list 10 reasons why I feel so blessed to have a gay son. Of course I have more than 10 reasons but I didn’t want to run the risk that you’d be nodding off at #105, so I think these 10 will get the message across. I also have to preface that the order of the reasons do not have any significance so please don’t feel slighted that you are not mentioned at the top.

1. This one is obvious for any mom who has an only child who is gay. I now will be able to bequeath my jewelry to whomever I want and not have to worry about an ungrateful daughter-in-law wearing my favorite pieces before I hit the pearly gates!

2. I am blessed to have met mentor and friend, Pam Garramone. She is the executive director of Greater Boston PFLAG and is amazing. Pam works so hard keeping our children safe in our schools. She works tirelessly giving workshops for teachers and students to give them the tools to eliminate bullying and foster acceptance of our LGBT youths. .

3. My sister Frayda needs to be mentioned. From my very first article that I wrote for the GBPFLAG newsletter, Frayda has edited all of them. She has had her pen on every piece I have produced. We’ve laughed together and cried together and she’s never let me down. Frayda has been by my side, step by step, on this amazing journey and for this I am blessed.

4. My moms that I mentor are definitely in the top ten. These women have worked so hard to find their voice as parents of a gay child. We’ve had tears and laughter during these past three years and hope to have many more in the future. It takes a special breed of mom to walk this walk and they are among the ones that count.

5. Half way done and not any less important. My family and friends have always been there for me. In the early days when I was so sad and confused they all listened to my sad tales of woe and never judged me. You can pick your friends, you can choose your enemies but your family is your family and for that I am grateful.

6. I would be remiss if I did not mention all the gay men and women at American Airlines that I have worked with during the last 10 years. I’ve had hours and hours of jumpseat therapy. Sometimes giving it and other times receiving it. Each time I start a trip, if there’s at least one gay flight attendant on board, I know it’s going to be a good trip!

7. ROBERT, ROBERT, ROBERT! Robert is Max’s “main squeeze” and we are truly blessed to have him in our family. From the very first meet and greet, I said to Richie, “I hope this ones a keeper”. He is everything I had hope for in a mate for Max, all boxes checked! One of the many reasons I love Robert so much is because we both love Max. They are made for each other and for this I am truly blessed.

8. This is for all the gay and lesbian men and women I have met over the years. I would not be the person I am today if did not meet and befriend them. Whether it was at the parade, on the plane or at a PFLAG meeting, I have become a better version of myself. I am, without a doubt, one of the lucky ones.

9. Nine belongs to my “main squeeze” Mr. Richie Weiner. He is the glue that keeps our family together. Max and I would have dropped into a dismal abyss if Richie was not there to embrace, love and never leave us. For this I am grateful everyday, for the blessing of him.

10. By now I’m sure Max is wondering why he’s not #1 on the list, but that is just Max being Max and why we love him. So, I have saved the best for last, and that’s my Max, my best work. In my view he’s won life’s trifecta, a great career, a wonderful home and most importantly an amazing relationship with Robert. Those three things are what make you whole and allows you to be all that you can be. Max is the best of the best, cream of the crop, top of the heap and for that privilege of being his mother I will always be greateful, and cherish the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

I have so enjoyed writing this post because it has been a mid winter reality check. So when I have computer glitches that bring me to my knees to pray and I’m shoveling snow storm after storm I can remind myself just how blessed I am, and carry on!

Hugs, Barbara

OPRAH'S FINAL COMING OUT SHOW

As most everyone knows, this season is the 25^th and final year of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Each year she does a Coming Out Show, her last aired January 24, 2011.

These shows have always been wonderful to watch, and heartening when we realize just how far we have traveled in our journey for acceptance, it was great to see that our hairstyles and fashion sense have also evolved. Among the many stories that aired that day, two, in particular, touched my heart. The first featured Olympic swimmer, Greg Louganis, who first appeared on Oprah in 1995.

The segment began with an interview with a young man, who said that Oprah’s airing of Louganis’ coming out on national TV saved his life. At 12 years old he knew he was gay and thought he was the only one who felt that way. After seeing Greg Louganis, an Olympic medal winner, come out to the public, he knew at that moment he was going to be okay. He didn’t come out until he was a freshman in high school, but that Greg Louganis moment gave him courage to live his truth. He is now a successful gay man living with his partner of 14 years in Hawaii. As this young man was sharing his story with Oprah, Greg Louganis surprised him on stage and gave him the opportunity to thank the man who inspired him to be his best self.

The next story involved a young women who knew she was lesbian since age 10 but her mom refused to believe it. During her teenage years her struggle with her mom continued and eventually caused an estrangement between them. Because this young girl insisted on living her truth, she left home and went to live with her grandmother. On a show in 2005, the mom and daughter appeared and aired their struggle. When that show finished taping, Oprah called upon her Chief of Staff, Libby, to speak to this mom and her daughter. Libby, after many destructive years trying to hide from herself, came out at 27 years old. She shared her story with this mom and explained that her daughter can live an authentic and successful life as a lesbian women. It was after their long conversation with Libby that the healing began. This mom just need to be educated and then the fears melted away.

Thank you Oprah for all you have done to make a difference. You have enlightened us, delighted us and most importantly made us better.

Hugs, Barbara

MARTIN LUTHER KING

I am writing this blog on Martin Luther King Day because it just seems right. Dr. King was a man who fought for civil rights and was not afraid to speak his truth. He was passionate about humanity and sacrificed his life for what he felt was a story that needed to be told. He believed in non-violence, equality and social justice.

Life today still has not improved as much as Dr. King would have liked. Although there have been many successes in social change there still is a lot of work to be done. I believe we are all capable of change once we are educated and realize that fear is just a four letter word and all human beings deserve respect. It does not matter the color of your skin, your gender or gender preference, rich or poor, we are all made from living matter and more importantly, we all matter.

Dr. King, this blog is for you. May your wisdom be passed on from generation to generation and thank you for allowing us to, “Have a Dream”. Happy Birthday.

Hugs, Barbara

NATE BERKUS AND THE YES PROGRAM

Yesterday, my sister Frayda saved my tail once again. I was starting to panic because my blog deadline was fast approaching and I still had not come up with a topic. Luckily I got the call. Frayda, with a sound of urgency in her voice said “Turn on the Nate Berkus show now!” I did and oh happy day.

Nate was doing a special make over at the center for the Yes Program in NYC. The program, established through the Youth Enrichment Services, is for GLBT youths aged 13 to 21. It’s a safe place to land and begin the process of becoming confident GLBT men and women. Nate spoke a powerful message, that gays are so well connected, once you get over the bad part, and life is so good on the other side, is a beacon of hope for all. He was referring to the fact that when he did this makeover, all the people involved, furniture and interior designers, florists etc., were all successful gay men and women who owned their own businesses. I just loved that he was sending a message to all LGBT youths, that life does get better and never give up hope.

This show was also about Seth Walsh. Seth was a 6^th grader who came out and was bullied to the point that he took his own life several months ago. He is yet another casualty of the ignorance in this country when dealing with LGBT youths. This brave young boy’s death must not be in vain. We must all raise awareness to the catastrophic consequences of bullying. We need to educate our children and give them the tools to protect themselves from the cowardly behavior of these bullies who are terrorizing our gay youth. This can only be achieved by educating the victims and the bullies.

Nate also talked about an organization he is closely working with called, “We Give a Damn”. Their website is www.wegiveadamn.org. This is only one of many organizations that advocate for our GLBT youths and you can find more information on the Greater Boston PFLAG website. Nate gives a damn, we should too.

Hugs, Barbara

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Last week a dear friend e-mailed me a u-tube video titled “A Different Christmas Poem”. It’s a beautiful poem with moving photos written by a soldier in the military to the cadence of “T’was the Night Before Christmas”.

Needless to say, as I watched the video I wept for all our men and women who are serving in our military, especially during the holidays, away from their loved ones.

I must admit, as moved as I was and I sobbed, there was a piece of my heart that held some bitterness because of DADT. It made me sad that in this great country of ours, there could be such disregard for our gay and lesbian men and women who want to serve and are rejected simply based on gender preference.

Well, oh happy day!! On Saturday, December 18, 2010, the senate voted to repeal the law banning gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military. This is a monumental decision and hopefully it will be the beginning for mainstream America to have a shift in it’s thinking. We are all perfectly imperfect and no matter your color, your gender or your sexual preference, we deserve equal rights.

If you have a moment during this busy holiday season please watch the u-tube video I mentioned above. Our men and women serving in the military deserve our prayers and with the repeal of DADT, we can now send those prayers with a full heart and a hope for a better tomorrow.

God Speed and stay safe to all who serve.

Hugs, Barbara

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Last night my sister Frayda, who is my silent partner in this blog experience and who edits all my work, suggested I watch Primetime with John Quinones. His show, “What would you do?” is a social experiment, creating fictitious vignettes with actors performing uncomfortable situations in public. The film crew observes whether strangers intercede on behalf of the victim or choose not to get involved. The first incident involved a drunk teenager trying to get into his car and drive to school. It was interesting to see the different responses from random people passing by.

The reason Frayda wanted me to watch this particular episode of the show, was the next vignette, which had two scenarios. A young man, probably in his late teens, tells his dad he is gay in a coffee shop filled with customers. The acting was so good I could feel my mother bear angst rising to the surface as I watched the scene unfold. While the young man was trying to reason with his father, the dad begins shouting homophobic rhetoric for all to hear. A young man at the next table became visibly upset but chose not to interfere.

In the second scene, when the young man tells his mother he’s gay, she also began shouting homophobic slurs. Two women, obviously moms, immediately spoke up, challenging the mother and comforted the young man when he was left alone and distraught, crying at the table.

After watching this I thought to myself, what would I do in a similar situation. At first blush, I could see myself going nuts on these parents. I was so enraged to hear the hurtful words the actors were saying, it became very personal When the more rational me emerged I realized that that kind of behavior wouldn’t have been the best choice and I hoped that I would respond with empathy for both the child and the parent.

When a child comes out, it’s difficult for children and parents alike. Each one has their own journey and it takes time for their paths to meet on the other side of reason. As parents we love our children, what is imperative, is to love and accept who they are.

My question to you is, what would you do? My guess is that if you care enough to read this blog, it’s a no brainer, you would’ve comforted the gay child and told the parent to go to PFLAG!

Hugs, Barbara

Clint McCance - Scary Stuff

Yes, Clint McCance is scary stuff and I don’t mean Halloween scary. This man is seriously disturbed. He was, up until his resignation last week, on the school board of the Midland School District in Pleasant Plains, Arkansas. For those of you who have not been watching Anderson Cooper 360, Mr. McCance posted a homophobic rant on Facebook, that scared the %#*#@ out of me! To think he was on a school board, in a position to impact the lives of children, takes my breath away!

Just imagine for one moment what it must be like for any GLBT child in that district with someone like Mr. McCance connected to their school. School is supposed to be a safe place where we send our children, to learn, grow and become their own self. They’re our future and when we allow individuals like Mr. McCance to have any contact with our children, they are in danger.

This is the perfect time to discuss this frightening incident with our straight allies. Outrage is an automatic emotion for a parent of a GLBT child, for parents who have straight children, they also need to voice their outrage. PFLAG does an amazing job working in the schools, teaching educators how to create a safe environment in their classrooms, but they cannot do this alone. Parents need to have a conversation with their children, friends and family about bullying and hate and how destructive it is.

The saddest part of this story is that when Mr. McCance appeared on Anderson Cooper to give what he thought, was an apology, it was not. He never said he was sorry for his hateful language or show remorse for the devastating internal dialogue the children in his school district must have continuously playing in there heads. I believe the only thing he is sorry for is that he got caught.

I know I’m ranting, but I needed to comment publicly about this troubling situation to make it real for me and for everyone who reads this.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs, Barbara