ELIZABETH TAYLOR

The HIV/AIDS community has lost one of their most outspoken advocates,

Miss Elizabeth Taylor.

She was glamorous, talented, bawdy and beautiful but most of all she was a voice for all the men, women and children who could not be heard. For the past twenty years she raised money, awareness and worked tirelessly to make a difference in the HIV/AIDS communities throughout the world. Whether she was in the United States, Europe or Asia, her message was heard loud and clear, eliminate HIV/AIDS.

Miss Taylor’s journey began in Dec. 1984 when her long time friend Rock Hudson died of AIDS. It was then that she became involved with AIDS Project in LA (APLA), fundraising, educating and speaking to anyone who would listen and listen they did.

The following year she joined the Board of Directors of the National AIDS Research Foundation which then merged with the N.Y. based AIDS Research Foundation and became the American Foundation for AIDS Research, commonly known as amFAR. This organization became her passion for the rest of her days, never missing an opportunity to speak at a hearing, a fundraiser or drop in at AIDS clinic to hug a patient who yearned to be embraced by someone who was not afraid to touch them.

There is a large community of people living vital and productive lives because Miss Taylor had the courage to speak out and make a difference. We must all learn a lesson from Liz and join the fight against this insidious disease through donations and also have compassion of those who are living day to day waiting for a cure.

Goodbye Elizabeth, may you rest in peace, you certainly have earned it.

hugs, Barbara

MATTHEW SHEPARD

For the past six months the book, “The Meaning of Matthew” by Judy Shepard has been on my living room coffee table waiting to be read. It’s the story of Matthew Shepard, who was murdered in Laramie, Wyoming. Matthew was tied to a fence, brutally beaten, and left for dead, for one reason only, because he was gay. Eighteen hours later, a cyclist found him and called for help. Mathew was brought to the ICU of a Fort Collins, CO hospital, where he lingered for three more days before passing on.

This book was published in 2009, but my fear of reading this tragic mothers story paralyzed me from purchasing it. The reason I finally was able to buy it was because I knew having the book in my home was the first step to facing my fear. I was feeling like a hypocrite during that time because I’m always touting the phrases “fear is a four letter word” and “eliminate fear with education” but I was unable to take my own advice. Guilty as charged.

Last week I could no longer hide from the fact that this mother had an important story to tell and I was going to read it. I knew my heart would ache for days just thinking about the pain this family endured but the time had come to face my fear.

I read this book in one day. From the first page, the simple dialogue captures the reader. I did not stop, going from one chapter to the next, until the last page was turned. I felt it would have been disrespectful to put the book down before Mrs. Shepard finished her story. It was as if I was at a PFLAG meeting and Matthew Shepard’s mom was telling her story.

“The Meaning of Matthew”, shows the power of healing, how an event so horrific can be used for the greater good. This courageous family has made the loss of Matthew a teachable moment, exposing the homophobic culture that exists in our country and the world. They have created the Matthew Shepard Foundation, www.matthewshepard.org, to honor their son. The goal for the foundation is to replace hate and ignorance with understanding, compassion and acceptance.

I strongly urge each and everyone who reads this blog to read this book. Yes, it will make your heart ache and scare you to tears, but don’t be afraid like I was, finding your courage sets you free.

hugs, Barbara

KUDOS FOR CHRONICLE!

KUDOS FOR CHRONICLE!

On Thursday, February 24^th, Chronicle aired a show called “Growing up Gay”. It was co-hosted by Randy Price, who is a gay news anchor on Channel 5 and featured Steve Buckley, radio personality and sports writer for the Boston Herald, who recently came out. The show also featured a young man, who attempted suicide when he was in high school, along with his dad and a great piece about a young bi-racial man who found a safe place to land at Brighton High School, thanks to an openly lesbian English teacher that runs the high school’s Gay/Straight/Alliance Program. Each segment had a powerful story to tell and kudos to Chronicle for featuring such programs as the GSA. It is so important for our children to be aware of the support that’s out there, the statistics show that a frightening one in three gay youths have attempted suicide.

As I watched this program, I thought how lucky are we to be living in Massachusetts and why it is so important. A show like this would never be aired in Florida, Texas or Alabama, just to name a few. We are so fortunate to have forward thinking individuals making good decisions for all the people in our great state.

We have successful professional gay men and women living very public lives here in the Bay State and they are the role models for our children’s future. They are giving them hope that when they grow up and start a career, they too can be openly gay and successful.

I can’t leave out something I saw on Oprah last week. Lisa Ling has a series on Oprah’s OWN network called “Our America with Lisa Ling”, which does stories on all different types of people in living in America. This particular story was about a couple living in New England, I believe in Massachusetts, who had a son named Harry who transgendered to a girl, Hailey, at the age of three. She is now seven years old and lives her life as female. I think her parents have shown the courage and strength of our greatest warriors, they have released her from a life of pain and anguish that so many men and women, who struggle with the decision to transgender, but do not have the support of a loving family. Granted, there are always challenges for our children, gay, straight or transgender, but when they have a loving family supporting them, love always wins over hate. For a person longing to live as another gender, it is not living, it’s merely existing.

PFLAG makes life for our children worth living. With the programs they create and the work that they do enable me to write about the success stories in this post. We all can make a difference and when you do, you become a better you, too!

hugs, Barbara

Ten Reasons Why I Feel Blessed to Have A Gay Son

For this blog post I thought it would be fun to list 10 reasons why I feel so blessed to have a gay son. Of course I have more than 10 reasons but I didn’t want to run the risk that you’d be nodding off at #105, so I think these 10 will get the message across. I also have to preface that the order of the reasons do not have any significance so please don’t feel slighted that you are not mentioned at the top.

1. This one is obvious for any mom who has an only child who is gay. I now will be able to bequeath my jewelry to whomever I want and not have to worry about an ungrateful daughter-in-law wearing my favorite pieces before I hit the pearly gates!

2. I am blessed to have met mentor and friend, Pam Garramone. She is the executive director of Greater Boston PFLAG and is amazing. Pam works so hard keeping our children safe in our schools. She works tirelessly giving workshops for teachers and students to give them the tools to eliminate bullying and foster acceptance of our LGBT youths. .

3. My sister Frayda needs to be mentioned. From my very first article that I wrote for the GBPFLAG newsletter, Frayda has edited all of them. She has had her pen on every piece I have produced. We’ve laughed together and cried together and she’s never let me down. Frayda has been by my side, step by step, on this amazing journey and for this I am blessed.

4. My moms that I mentor are definitely in the top ten. These women have worked so hard to find their voice as parents of a gay child. We’ve had tears and laughter during these past three years and hope to have many more in the future. It takes a special breed of mom to walk this walk and they are among the ones that count.

5. Half way done and not any less important. My family and friends have always been there for me. In the early days when I was so sad and confused they all listened to my sad tales of woe and never judged me. You can pick your friends, you can choose your enemies but your family is your family and for that I am grateful.

6. I would be remiss if I did not mention all the gay men and women at American Airlines that I have worked with during the last 10 years. I’ve had hours and hours of jumpseat therapy. Sometimes giving it and other times receiving it. Each time I start a trip, if there’s at least one gay flight attendant on board, I know it’s going to be a good trip!

7. ROBERT, ROBERT, ROBERT! Robert is Max’s “main squeeze” and we are truly blessed to have him in our family. From the very first meet and greet, I said to Richie, “I hope this ones a keeper”. He is everything I had hope for in a mate for Max, all boxes checked! One of the many reasons I love Robert so much is because we both love Max. They are made for each other and for this I am truly blessed.

8. This is for all the gay and lesbian men and women I have met over the years. I would not be the person I am today if did not meet and befriend them. Whether it was at the parade, on the plane or at a PFLAG meeting, I have become a better version of myself. I am, without a doubt, one of the lucky ones.

9. Nine belongs to my “main squeeze” Mr. Richie Weiner. He is the glue that keeps our family together. Max and I would have dropped into a dismal abyss if Richie was not there to embrace, love and never leave us. For this I am grateful everyday, for the blessing of him.

10. By now I’m sure Max is wondering why he’s not #1 on the list, but that is just Max being Max and why we love him. So, I have saved the best for last, and that’s my Max, my best work. In my view he’s won life’s trifecta, a great career, a wonderful home and most importantly an amazing relationship with Robert. Those three things are what make you whole and allows you to be all that you can be. Max is the best of the best, cream of the crop, top of the heap and for that privilege of being his mother I will always be greateful, and cherish the blessings that have been bestowed upon me.

I have so enjoyed writing this post because it has been a mid winter reality check. So when I have computer glitches that bring me to my knees to pray and I’m shoveling snow storm after storm I can remind myself just how blessed I am, and carry on!

Hugs, Barbara

OPRAH'S FINAL COMING OUT SHOW

As most everyone knows, this season is the 25^th and final year of the Oprah Winfrey Show. Each year she does a Coming Out Show, her last aired January 24, 2011.

These shows have always been wonderful to watch, and heartening when we realize just how far we have traveled in our journey for acceptance, it was great to see that our hairstyles and fashion sense have also evolved. Among the many stories that aired that day, two, in particular, touched my heart. The first featured Olympic swimmer, Greg Louganis, who first appeared on Oprah in 1995.

The segment began with an interview with a young man, who said that Oprah’s airing of Louganis’ coming out on national TV saved his life. At 12 years old he knew he was gay and thought he was the only one who felt that way. After seeing Greg Louganis, an Olympic medal winner, come out to the public, he knew at that moment he was going to be okay. He didn’t come out until he was a freshman in high school, but that Greg Louganis moment gave him courage to live his truth. He is now a successful gay man living with his partner of 14 years in Hawaii. As this young man was sharing his story with Oprah, Greg Louganis surprised him on stage and gave him the opportunity to thank the man who inspired him to be his best self.

The next story involved a young women who knew she was lesbian since age 10 but her mom refused to believe it. During her teenage years her struggle with her mom continued and eventually caused an estrangement between them. Because this young girl insisted on living her truth, she left home and went to live with her grandmother. On a show in 2005, the mom and daughter appeared and aired their struggle. When that show finished taping, Oprah called upon her Chief of Staff, Libby, to speak to this mom and her daughter. Libby, after many destructive years trying to hide from herself, came out at 27 years old. She shared her story with this mom and explained that her daughter can live an authentic and successful life as a lesbian women. It was after their long conversation with Libby that the healing began. This mom just need to be educated and then the fears melted away.

Thank you Oprah for all you have done to make a difference. You have enlightened us, delighted us and most importantly made us better.

Hugs, Barbara

MARTIN LUTHER KING

I am writing this blog on Martin Luther King Day because it just seems right. Dr. King was a man who fought for civil rights and was not afraid to speak his truth. He was passionate about humanity and sacrificed his life for what he felt was a story that needed to be told. He believed in non-violence, equality and social justice.

Life today still has not improved as much as Dr. King would have liked. Although there have been many successes in social change there still is a lot of work to be done. I believe we are all capable of change once we are educated and realize that fear is just a four letter word and all human beings deserve respect. It does not matter the color of your skin, your gender or gender preference, rich or poor, we are all made from living matter and more importantly, we all matter.

Dr. King, this blog is for you. May your wisdom be passed on from generation to generation and thank you for allowing us to, “Have a Dream”. Happy Birthday.

Hugs, Barbara

NATE BERKUS AND THE YES PROGRAM

Yesterday, my sister Frayda saved my tail once again. I was starting to panic because my blog deadline was fast approaching and I still had not come up with a topic. Luckily I got the call. Frayda, with a sound of urgency in her voice said “Turn on the Nate Berkus show now!” I did and oh happy day.

Nate was doing a special make over at the center for the Yes Program in NYC. The program, established through the Youth Enrichment Services, is for GLBT youths aged 13 to 21. It’s a safe place to land and begin the process of becoming confident GLBT men and women. Nate spoke a powerful message, that gays are so well connected, once you get over the bad part, and life is so good on the other side, is a beacon of hope for all. He was referring to the fact that when he did this makeover, all the people involved, furniture and interior designers, florists etc., were all successful gay men and women who owned their own businesses. I just loved that he was sending a message to all LGBT youths, that life does get better and never give up hope.

This show was also about Seth Walsh. Seth was a 6^th grader who came out and was bullied to the point that he took his own life several months ago. He is yet another casualty of the ignorance in this country when dealing with LGBT youths. This brave young boy’s death must not be in vain. We must all raise awareness to the catastrophic consequences of bullying. We need to educate our children and give them the tools to protect themselves from the cowardly behavior of these bullies who are terrorizing our gay youth. This can only be achieved by educating the victims and the bullies.

Nate also talked about an organization he is closely working with called, “We Give a Damn”. Their website is www.wegiveadamn.org. This is only one of many organizations that advocate for our GLBT youths and you can find more information on the Greater Boston PFLAG website. Nate gives a damn, we should too.

Hugs, Barbara

DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL

Last week a dear friend e-mailed me a u-tube video titled “A Different Christmas Poem”. It’s a beautiful poem with moving photos written by a soldier in the military to the cadence of “T’was the Night Before Christmas”.

Needless to say, as I watched the video I wept for all our men and women who are serving in our military, especially during the holidays, away from their loved ones.

I must admit, as moved as I was and I sobbed, there was a piece of my heart that held some bitterness because of DADT. It made me sad that in this great country of ours, there could be such disregard for our gay and lesbian men and women who want to serve and are rejected simply based on gender preference.

Well, oh happy day!! On Saturday, December 18, 2010, the senate voted to repeal the law banning gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military. This is a monumental decision and hopefully it will be the beginning for mainstream America to have a shift in it’s thinking. We are all perfectly imperfect and no matter your color, your gender or your sexual preference, we deserve equal rights.

If you have a moment during this busy holiday season please watch the u-tube video I mentioned above. Our men and women serving in the military deserve our prayers and with the repeal of DADT, we can now send those prayers with a full heart and a hope for a better tomorrow.

God Speed and stay safe to all who serve.

Hugs, Barbara

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Last night my sister Frayda, who is my silent partner in this blog experience and who edits all my work, suggested I watch Primetime with John Quinones. His show, “What would you do?” is a social experiment, creating fictitious vignettes with actors performing uncomfortable situations in public. The film crew observes whether strangers intercede on behalf of the victim or choose not to get involved. The first incident involved a drunk teenager trying to get into his car and drive to school. It was interesting to see the different responses from random people passing by.

The reason Frayda wanted me to watch this particular episode of the show, was the next vignette, which had two scenarios. A young man, probably in his late teens, tells his dad he is gay in a coffee shop filled with customers. The acting was so good I could feel my mother bear angst rising to the surface as I watched the scene unfold. While the young man was trying to reason with his father, the dad begins shouting homophobic rhetoric for all to hear. A young man at the next table became visibly upset but chose not to interfere.

In the second scene, when the young man tells his mother he’s gay, she also began shouting homophobic slurs. Two women, obviously moms, immediately spoke up, challenging the mother and comforted the young man when he was left alone and distraught, crying at the table.

After watching this I thought to myself, what would I do in a similar situation. At first blush, I could see myself going nuts on these parents. I was so enraged to hear the hurtful words the actors were saying, it became very personal When the more rational me emerged I realized that that kind of behavior wouldn’t have been the best choice and I hoped that I would respond with empathy for both the child and the parent.

When a child comes out, it’s difficult for children and parents alike. Each one has their own journey and it takes time for their paths to meet on the other side of reason. As parents we love our children, what is imperative, is to love and accept who they are.

My question to you is, what would you do? My guess is that if you care enough to read this blog, it’s a no brainer, you would’ve comforted the gay child and told the parent to go to PFLAG!

Hugs, Barbara

Clint McCance - Scary Stuff

Yes, Clint McCance is scary stuff and I don’t mean Halloween scary. This man is seriously disturbed. He was, up until his resignation last week, on the school board of the Midland School District in Pleasant Plains, Arkansas. For those of you who have not been watching Anderson Cooper 360, Mr. McCance posted a homophobic rant on Facebook, that scared the %#*#@ out of me! To think he was on a school board, in a position to impact the lives of children, takes my breath away!

Just imagine for one moment what it must be like for any GLBT child in that district with someone like Mr. McCance connected to their school. School is supposed to be a safe place where we send our children, to learn, grow and become their own self. They’re our future and when we allow individuals like Mr. McCance to have any contact with our children, they are in danger.

This is the perfect time to discuss this frightening incident with our straight allies. Outrage is an automatic emotion for a parent of a GLBT child, for parents who have straight children, they also need to voice their outrage. PFLAG does an amazing job working in the schools, teaching educators how to create a safe environment in their classrooms, but they cannot do this alone. Parents need to have a conversation with their children, friends and family about bullying and hate and how destructive it is.

The saddest part of this story is that when Mr. McCance appeared on Anderson Cooper to give what he thought, was an apology, it was not. He never said he was sorry for his hateful language or show remorse for the devastating internal dialogue the children in his school district must have continuously playing in there heads. I believe the only thing he is sorry for is that he got caught.

I know I’m ranting, but I needed to comment publicly about this troubling situation to make it real for me and for everyone who reads this.

Thanks for listening.

Hugs, Barbara

OyVey, I'm on Facebook!

Yes, it’s true. Max finally talked me into doing this and he has also created a fan page, which friends can now join. Of course I still do not have a clue as to what a fan page is or how to find it. Just last week, my nephew Harry, mentioned that he saw Max’s post about the blog on Facebook. When I started asking too many questions, my brother Steve said “Barby, stop talking, you sound stupid, I will give you a Facebook tutorial next week.” I have yet to have my tutorial so please bear with me during this learning process. I know many of my peers, you know who you are, feels my pain!

Rich and I just got back from our two days in NYC visiting the boys. Max and Robert moved into their new apartment on the upper west side and have created a warm and loving home for themselves. It’s what I have always dreamed of for Max, finding the right person to share your life with and have a home that’s a haven at the end of the day. This is the winning ticket and when you have that combination there is no challenge that cannot be met. Oprah always says, “Your home should rise up to meet you when you walk in the door”. I believe this is true and that is how I felt when I walked into Max and Robert’s building and then into their apartment.

When Richie and I headed for home I was filled with joy and gratitude because as a mother bear, when your child is happy, there is no better feeling in the world.

Speaking of mother bears, I would be remiss if I did not mention my two moms that I mentor. They still want to remain anonymous, and that’s ok, but I must give them a shout out for all the hard work they have done to support their gay sons. These moms work on their journey 24/7 and because of it, their boys are amazing. Both young men are college freshman and are doing great. I believe a key component to their happiness is that their moms never gave up believing in them. I know there will be a time when each mom reveals herself but it takes baby steps to get to that destination. I know it’s just a matter of time and they will be there. I love you both.

Hugs, Barbara

TYLER CLEMENTI

I could not do this post and not mention the tragic death of Tyler Clementi. I have always believed that through adversity there are lessons to be learned and this speaks volumes to me.

A heinous crime has been committed and I feel manslaughter charges should be brought against Tyler’s roommates. It is paramount that his death not be in vain. This is a teachable moment if we allow it to be. Night after night, watching Anderson Cooper report on Tyler’s death, gave me hope that main street America will finally acknowledge the crisis among our GLBT friends and family.

In preparing for this post, I have visited www.wegiveadamn.org as well as the website “The Trevor Project”. What I have learned from these sites is heartbreaking and frightening. I did not know that two out of five GLBT teens think about suicide often, and one in three have attempted it. These statistics are sobering, there needs to be a change in the way we educate children and ourselves. Children are born free from hate, it is a learned behavior within their environment, and this is where the seeds of change need to begin. It is our responsibility as human beings to insist that there be tolerance and acceptance for all persons, no matter their gender preference or identity.

A favorite quote of Oprah’s by poet Maya Angelou is “When you know better, you do better”. This is an opportunity to do just that. A shift in your way of thinking will make a difference and change your life for the better. Have conversations with your children, spouse and extended families about the damage that results from bullying and hate, and institute a policy of zero tolerance for this behavior in your home. Maya Angelou stated in an article in “O” magazine that she does not allow anyone with negative energy or ill will to enter her home. Her wisdom is priceless, we should all follow her lead and leave all the hate filled baggage on our doorsteps, not allow it to flourish in our home.

Rest in peace Tyler Clementi, you and all the other young souls who felt they had no other choice, are in our hearts. We will try and do better.

Hugs, Barbara

" The Side Door"

In the September PFLAG newsletter I read about a book signing party featuring author Jan Donley to celebrate her first novel, “The Side Door”. What really got my attention was that with each sale of the book, PFLAG got a percentage donation. I immediately signed up to attend but on the day of the event, with reports of severe thunderstorm activity forecasted, I started to rethink the wisdom of the 90min schlep to Brookline during rush hour. After wrestling with the decision to go or not to go, and the Jewish daughter guilt that, still, occasionally rears its ugly head, I pulled myself together, put on my big girl panties and headed out.

At the event, Pam Garramone, the executive director of PFLAG spoke about the importance of books like “The Side Door” and also about the work that PFLAG does to keep our children safe while in school. After Pam spoke, Jan took center stage to read several pages from her book. She grabbed your heart at the start. “The Side Door,” is a story about two friends trying to find a place where they fit in, to be their true selves, while navigating through high school. It is an amazing book, written with painful honesty and compassion and it’s a “must read” for all teenagers. Gay or straight, it will help everyone have a better understanding of what it is like for those who feel they don’t fit in.

I not only had the pleasure to meet Jan Donley and visit with my good friend Pam, I also met Dianne Monnin who is a PFLAG mom like me. She belongs to the Easton, MA, PFLAG chapter and is the mother of a child who transitioned female to male. As it turns out Dianne and I joined PFLAG about the same time, nine years ago, and she too has done the work it takes to accept and celebrate her son Tev and it is because of her unconditional love for her courageous son, that she is able to mentor and be a role model for parents who are still struggling with the acceptance of their transgender children.

It was such a treat to meet a mom who is as excited and committed as I am, to educate friends and family about the importance of acceptance and inclusion of our GLBT family members. Dianne is a mother who makes a difference and that makes her very special in my book. For further information about the support group for gender variant children, please contact Pam Garramone, Greater Boston PFLAG, 781-891-5966.

The rain gods were traveling with me that night and it did not start to storm until I was already in the restaurant and “dry as a bone” when I left the book signing, only clear skies ahead. Driving north, heading for home, I once again thanked the higher powers in my life that keep me moving forward, doing the things I’m supposed to be doing and gaining wisdom with each lesson.

Hugs, Barbara

TIT FOR TAT

On September 25^th I am walking in the Susan G. Koman Breast Cancer walk/race and it inspired me to write this poem. I know that this is not a GLBT issue, but I feel gay or straight, we have all been touched by this insidious disease.

My dear friends, Amy and Niki, are in the midst of this battle. They have been together for 10 years and Niki, who is genetically predisposed to breast and ovarian cancer, is battling a rare form of Stage 4 ovarian cancer. During the past two years, Niki has had a bilateral mastectomy, a hysterectomy, and aggressive chemo and radiation, as part of her treatment plan. Niki is a fighter by nature and at this writing she is in remission.

Amy and Niki have weathered this storm with grace and dignity each being a support to one another and we hope and pray there will only be sunny days and blue skies in their future together. So it is for Niki and so many others that I have in my heart, that I share these words with you.

Hugs, Barbara

TIT FOR TAT

There are many names for a woman’s breast,

Tits, the girls, ta ta’s, and jugs, to name a few.

Some are big, some are little and only few are perfect.

We increase them, decrease them and some of us,

We’re better without them.

And then there are those of us, who when we lose them,

Replace them, and honor our scars, we’re survivors.

Our breasts are used to nourish our babes and titillate our mates.

We have push-up bras, we have minimizers and bras for all occasions,

The Wonder bra, the 24 hour bra, sport bra and underwire.

But at the end of the day what is important is this,

No matter the size or shape, lost or replaced,

Our breasts do not define us.

Rich or poor, powerful or weak,

One common denominator binds us together.

At the end of the day, we take our bra’s off,

All the same way,

One strap at a time my friend, one strap at a time. .

Barbara Mulcahy

In honor of my Mother, Ruth Rosenfeld 1924 - 1988

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BLOG??

Yes you can! I know I’m not the only mother with a voice and after reading Sharon Zimmerman’s great story in the GBPFLAG summer newsletter I realized there are so many other parents and friends who can do this too.

Trust me, if there was a contest to be a blogger, I would have been voted “Most likely never to blog”. I struggle with our universal remote, the CD player is not my friend and changing the ringtone on my phone is not an option. My biggest nightmare has been when “password not recognized” pops up on my screen, it can bring me to my knees. So, if I can blog, so can you.

Although there have been many challenges starting this website, I do not regret the angst and adjada, for it has made me more of myself. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter how many people read my blog, it’s about how it changes the lives of the readers.

So I say to you, don’t be shy, gather your courage and start thinking about starting one. Your friends and family will be educated and entertained by what you have to say. If you can make a difference in your own small way the reward from your hard work is “priceless”.

If you have any questions on how to get started, please contact me at oyveyhesgay@gmail.com. I am certainly not an expert but I would be happy to share what I know. What I have learned since joining PFLAG nine years ago is that when it comes to supporting your child, you find the courage.

Hugs, Barbara

YOU'RE OUT, YOU'RE IN

An interesting phenomenon occurs when your child comes out of the closet, their parents almost always head straight for the hide away that their child vacated. Some of us have taken to our beds, wept uncontrollably while driving, or have simply chosen to ignore the fact that our child is gay, sure that it is only a phase. The latter, I call “Queen of Denial”. We’ve all been there, used this self-defense mechanism, to find a safe place to hide, catch our breath, and gather strength to walk side by side with our child.

Every parent has his or her own timetable accepting that their child is gay. Some educate themselves more quickly than others. The main goal of this blog is to help move the process of acceptance forward for those who might need a little help along the way.

I recently had dinner with two moms that I mentor. They are both amazing women and mothers, who are still on their journey, in other words, still in the closet. During our meal I explained to them that when you “stay in the closet” longer than absolutely necessary, you invalidate your child. I said that I believe that if you can’t tell the people that are most important in your life that your son or daughter is gay, you make them invisible. I surprised myself with that statement, but I now realize that every time I tell someone Max is gay, I am validating him, making him more himself. My moms have the door slightly ajar, and I know it’s just a matter of time before they muster up the courage to leap out.

When I was able to totally accept and embrace the fact that Max was gay, he was off and running. His confidence in himself increased, and he became lighter in his step and in his heart. Over the past several years Max has gotten back in the game and as always, he’s unbeatable.

On August 13^th, 1976, at 8:30pm, Max Mulcahy made his debut at Beverly Hospital, in Beverly, Massachusetts. I became a mother of a handsome, healthy baby boy, which dramatically changed my life. In July of 2001, Max Mulcahy came out to me as a young gay man, again, dramatically changing my life. I’m the mother of a handsome healthy, gay son. At first I thought my role as mother was somehow changed, but what I now know to be true is that there is no difference, gay or straight, you’re always the mother, always the dad. .

So I’ll end with this, mom and dad, come out, come out where ever you are!

Hugs, Barbara

YIKES

When I started this blog my hope was to have it linked to the Greater Boston PFLAG website, but as thrilled as I was when Pam called to tell me this was going to happen, the fright nearly took my breath away. Up until now my blog was read by selected friends and family so the thought of the general public reading it gave me palpitations! My self doubt was in high gear, sending every negative thought roaring through my head; luckily it was 4:00 pm, "Oprah time".

Since I'm an Oprah groupie, for me, it was unusual that I had not seen this particular show, which featured country singer Chely Wright as her guest. Miss Wright had recently come out and was on the show to promote her memoir, "Like Me". Her story is a chilling one and after I read her book it became clear to me that writing my blog is definitely what I am supposed to be doing. Chely's story is painful to read because of how difficult it was for her to be closeted during the time she was following her passion as an artist. The duality of her life proved to be almost too much for her and she was very close to committing suicide. Yes, it's a sad story but it needs to be told and told over again so LBGT men and women can be heard.

Seeing Chely Wright on Oprah that day validated my passion to speak openly and lovingly of my gay son and the rest of my gay friends and family. Dialouge is essential to understanding and eliminating the "elephant in the room". Too many men and women are hurt by ignorant speak. The more open we are with our love and support will change the thinking of our generation and generations to come.

I am happy to say this is the first of my bi-monthly blog and hope to have a guest blogger from time to time. I made this commitment to share love, wisdom and laughter, and hope to create awareness and the importance of acceptance to my readers.

It is a privilege to be linked to the Greater Boston PFLAG website and I am humbled by their acceptance. I will be posting on the 1st and 15th of each month. Please look for me.

Hugs, Barbara

As promised, Richie,...This is all about you!

Richard Samuel Weiner has been with Max and me for the last 18 years. He is my main squeeze, the love of my life and the glue that keeps our family together. I initially was drawn to Richie for his "solidness" and strength. I knew that he would be able to help Max navigate his formative years and be a role model to propel him into adulthood, falling crazy in love with him was an added bonus!

Max was fourteen years old when Richie arrived. At the time we were in the midst of recovering from my divorce so our sadness was always just below the surface and would often appear without warning but Rich never gave up on us. He has the patience of Job and would constantly run interference between Max and me, doing so without judgment. Whether he was fixing a speeding ticket or taking Max to Sunday breakfast, a ritual begun during the early years, Richie supported Max unconditionally.

Richie taught Max how to drive, attended all his swim meets and tennis matches, and when Max was at Syracuse, he would always work a road trip into his busy schedule. Max and his friends always got a good meal and at the end of the night Max had a few more bucks in his wallet.

After Max came out, Richie told me he had known Max was gay for some time. Of course, Richie being Richie, he patiently waited for Max to chose his time. It has been well documented in previous stories how I fell apart and gradually, slowly pulled myself together. Richie was, once again, the glue that repaired our family, always front and center with love and support for both of us.

I can't imagine what our life would have been, if Richie hadn't been with us during those difficult times, with a smile on his face and love in his heart. Max and I were the big winners when he arrived 18 years ago and Richie's devotion to us, as ours to him, is total and complete.

Now instead of trips to Syracuse we head to NYC. All I have to say is, "I need to see the boys," and Richie goes into action. He books the hotel, takes the shopping list to Costco, gases up the car, and off we go. After every visit, as we exit the city and head for home, my heart overflows knowing how blessed I am to have Richie in my life and I thank him for his kindness and love.

Richie may not be Max's biological father and he has never pretended to be. He has always supported Max's relationship with his dad, but at the end of the day, Richie, has always had Max's back and that's what celebrating Fathers Day is all about.


To my "Main Squeeze", I love you always....Barby

Hip, Hip, Parade...Oh what a day it was.

As in past years, Richie and I met Pam at 7:30am to set up the PFLAG information booth at the Pride Festival located on City Hall Plaza and our long Pride Parade Day began.

This is one of my most favorite days of the year because I get to celebrate, along with at least one million other people, all LGBT men and women. We marched in the parade with our PFLAG family and the overwhelming reception from the people in the crowds was amazing! The love we felt from the sidelines is like manna from heaven that fills our souls and makes our job as parents that much more rewarding.

I experience so many different emotions throughout the day, though each year there always seems to be one special moment that stands out among the rest. It started out business as usual. At 11:00am, Richie and I left City Hall Plaza for our journey to the South End to assemble for the Parade. Every year, without exception, the Government Center "T" Station attendant has to help us figure out how to purchase two one way tickets on the Green Line. This year, nothing had changed. We struggled for a few minutes, causing a back up and then she appeared, our subway angel, and once again showed us the way out of subway hell!

Finally, settled on the train wearing our buttons and carrying our signs I knew we looked a bit conspicuous but that's the fun of Pride. Standing by the doors of the train I noticed a mom with a young boy who gave me a shy smile. Seated in front of them was a women with a young boy who could have been his twin. It took a few seconds, but then I thought, "hello, I know where you folks are going". I made I eye contact with her and we connected, so as they passed by us exiting at the Arlington stop, I said, "watch for us marching in the parade so we can wave to you", the door shut, and Richie just looked at me and smiled.

Sure enough, Rich caught sight of this great little family and we shouted and waved to them as we marched by, sharing a special moment.

At 2:00pm, Richie and I took a break from our post at the info booth and headed for Starbucks at Boylston and Tremont. I don't know why we chose that direction to walk, we just did and once again met up with our little family. Well, of course, we had to stop and do a meet and greet. Our conversation may have lasted only a few minutes but it is now part of the quilt of my special moments from previous Pride Parades.

We are blessed, Richie and I, in so many ways, we're happy, have our health and our Max has given us purpose and opportunities to make a difference. I know we will never find a cure for HIV, Cancer or World Peace, but doing our work with PFLAG and having special moments with the people we have met along the way, hopefully has some small positive impact.

Hugs, Barbara

P.S. Since Richie mentioned that every post so far on my blog is about Max, Robert and PFLAG, I promised him my next one, a Father's Day post, will be all about him!! Please look for it.

When You Hear Something Think

When you hear something, and think, oh god, my life as I know it is over, in reality, it’s just an indication, that the life you’re suppose to have, is just beginning. Unfortunately, at the time this drama is unfolding, you are unaware of the shift that is taking place and you can only think of getting into bed and pulling the blankets over your head. Actually my mother perfected this technique and my father dubbed her an undercover agent.. That was always our way of knowing that things were not good and don’t wake her up!

My son Max is 32 and came out to me seven years ago. Of course he thought the perfect time to tell me was 15 minutes before having guests in for cocktails, but that’s just Max. Once I caught my breath, I gave him a hug, told him that I loved him, but we needed to put this on the back burner since our guests would be arriving soon and I didn’t want to ruin my make-up. As you can well imagine, the rest of the night was an out of body experience. It was then, at the end of the evening, when I thought, my life as I had envisioned it was over and all I wanted was my bed.

The next morning again I told Max how much I loved him, but I just needed some time to digest this information. It was then he gave me the gift of time. He said he had known he was gay for sometime and he understood that it would take me some time to get comfortable with it.

Luckily I found my first PFLAG meeting 3months after Max came out, and it was then that the shift in my life began. It was slow at first, but with the support of PFLAG I was able to become closer to Max than ever before. Our relationship was now based on honesty and Max was able to be his real self, which was not that different than his old self, he still is the charming, funny, clever Max, he just happens to be gay.

What I found during those early years is that the more involved I was with PFLAG, it was my way of giving him validation and approval to who he is. And as we all know, approval is the nourishment to the soul for any child, no matter the age.

Max now has a wonderful partner named Robert, who I simply adore. Last week they celebrated a two year anniversary and I hope and pray for many more to come. When your child is happy, there is no better feeling in the world! I have even thanked Max for being gay and changing my life in such a profound way. He just looked at me, rolled his eyes and said, OK Mom and walked away.

In my job I work with many gay men. Tuesday of this week, working back from London with our crew of nine, four of the flight attendants were gay. I spoke to them about the upcoming Pride Parade and how excited I was, once again, to march with other PFLAG parents. I told them stories of past parades and how important it is to attend the parade and be present.

About an hour later, I then ended up sharing crew rest space with Marshall, one of the gay men on the crew. I had never flown with him before and I wondered if he minded sharing this small space with me. That all evaporated when he needed help with the word puzzle he was working on, and when he completed the puzzle, with a little help from me, he spontaneously said,” I just love you”, to which I responded, “I love you as well.” I went back to my reading and he started another puzzle. When I again helped with the new puzzle I said, “Marshall, you must love me even more than before”’, to which he replied, yes he did love me more than before. I then responded, I loved him even more as well. That was the end of the conversation and at the completion of our rest period, we went back to work. After we landed, Marshall thanked me for sharing my stories and said how much he enjoyed flying with me. I was so touched by our little moment.

Driving home from the airport I tried to make sense of what happened during that crew rest. I then realized that I put gay and lesbian men and women in the same category with babies, kittens and puppies. I have unconditional love for all them. I understand how important it is to them, humans and animals a like, to receive a loving glance, a hug, a kiss and a sense of knowing they are loved. Thank you.