TYLER CLEMENTI

I could not do this post and not mention the tragic death of Tyler Clementi. I have always believed that through adversity there are lessons to be learned and this speaks volumes to me.

A heinous crime has been committed and I feel manslaughter charges should be brought against Tyler’s roommates. It is paramount that his death not be in vain. This is a teachable moment if we allow it to be. Night after night, watching Anderson Cooper report on Tyler’s death, gave me hope that main street America will finally acknowledge the crisis among our GLBT friends and family.

In preparing for this post, I have visited www.wegiveadamn.org as well as the website “The Trevor Project”. What I have learned from these sites is heartbreaking and frightening. I did not know that two out of five GLBT teens think about suicide often, and one in three have attempted it. These statistics are sobering, there needs to be a change in the way we educate children and ourselves. Children are born free from hate, it is a learned behavior within their environment, and this is where the seeds of change need to begin. It is our responsibility as human beings to insist that there be tolerance and acceptance for all persons, no matter their gender preference or identity.

A favorite quote of Oprah’s by poet Maya Angelou is “When you know better, you do better”. This is an opportunity to do just that. A shift in your way of thinking will make a difference and change your life for the better. Have conversations with your children, spouse and extended families about the damage that results from bullying and hate, and institute a policy of zero tolerance for this behavior in your home. Maya Angelou stated in an article in “O” magazine that she does not allow anyone with negative energy or ill will to enter her home. Her wisdom is priceless, we should all follow her lead and leave all the hate filled baggage on our doorsteps, not allow it to flourish in our home.

Rest in peace Tyler Clementi, you and all the other young souls who felt they had no other choice, are in our hearts. We will try and do better.

Hugs, Barbara

" The Side Door"

In the September PFLAG newsletter I read about a book signing party featuring author Jan Donley to celebrate her first novel, “The Side Door”. What really got my attention was that with each sale of the book, PFLAG got a percentage donation. I immediately signed up to attend but on the day of the event, with reports of severe thunderstorm activity forecasted, I started to rethink the wisdom of the 90min schlep to Brookline during rush hour. After wrestling with the decision to go or not to go, and the Jewish daughter guilt that, still, occasionally rears its ugly head, I pulled myself together, put on my big girl panties and headed out.

At the event, Pam Garramone, the executive director of PFLAG spoke about the importance of books like “The Side Door” and also about the work that PFLAG does to keep our children safe while in school. After Pam spoke, Jan took center stage to read several pages from her book. She grabbed your heart at the start. “The Side Door,” is a story about two friends trying to find a place where they fit in, to be their true selves, while navigating through high school. It is an amazing book, written with painful honesty and compassion and it’s a “must read” for all teenagers. Gay or straight, it will help everyone have a better understanding of what it is like for those who feel they don’t fit in.

I not only had the pleasure to meet Jan Donley and visit with my good friend Pam, I also met Dianne Monnin who is a PFLAG mom like me. She belongs to the Easton, MA, PFLAG chapter and is the mother of a child who transitioned female to male. As it turns out Dianne and I joined PFLAG about the same time, nine years ago, and she too has done the work it takes to accept and celebrate her son Tev and it is because of her unconditional love for her courageous son, that she is able to mentor and be a role model for parents who are still struggling with the acceptance of their transgender children.

It was such a treat to meet a mom who is as excited and committed as I am, to educate friends and family about the importance of acceptance and inclusion of our GLBT family members. Dianne is a mother who makes a difference and that makes her very special in my book. For further information about the support group for gender variant children, please contact Pam Garramone, Greater Boston PFLAG, 781-891-5966.

The rain gods were traveling with me that night and it did not start to storm until I was already in the restaurant and “dry as a bone” when I left the book signing, only clear skies ahead. Driving north, heading for home, I once again thanked the higher powers in my life that keep me moving forward, doing the things I’m supposed to be doing and gaining wisdom with each lesson.

Hugs, Barbara