YOU'RE OUT, YOU'RE IN

An interesting phenomenon occurs when your child comes out of the closet, their parents almost always head straight for the hide away that their child vacated. Some of us have taken to our beds, wept uncontrollably while driving, or have simply chosen to ignore the fact that our child is gay, sure that it is only a phase. The latter, I call “Queen of Denial”. We’ve all been there, used this self-defense mechanism, to find a safe place to hide, catch our breath, and gather strength to walk side by side with our child.

Every parent has his or her own timetable accepting that their child is gay. Some educate themselves more quickly than others. The main goal of this blog is to help move the process of acceptance forward for those who might need a little help along the way.

I recently had dinner with two moms that I mentor. They are both amazing women and mothers, who are still on their journey, in other words, still in the closet. During our meal I explained to them that when you “stay in the closet” longer than absolutely necessary, you invalidate your child. I said that I believe that if you can’t tell the people that are most important in your life that your son or daughter is gay, you make them invisible. I surprised myself with that statement, but I now realize that every time I tell someone Max is gay, I am validating him, making him more himself. My moms have the door slightly ajar, and I know it’s just a matter of time before they muster up the courage to leap out.

When I was able to totally accept and embrace the fact that Max was gay, he was off and running. His confidence in himself increased, and he became lighter in his step and in his heart. Over the past several years Max has gotten back in the game and as always, he’s unbeatable.

On August 13^th, 1976, at 8:30pm, Max Mulcahy made his debut at Beverly Hospital, in Beverly, Massachusetts. I became a mother of a handsome, healthy baby boy, which dramatically changed my life. In July of 2001, Max Mulcahy came out to me as a young gay man, again, dramatically changing my life. I’m the mother of a handsome healthy, gay son. At first I thought my role as mother was somehow changed, but what I now know to be true is that there is no difference, gay or straight, you’re always the mother, always the dad. .

So I’ll end with this, mom and dad, come out, come out where ever you are!

Hugs, Barbara